by Bruce Lansky
Manners are useless.
Take my advice.
Always act rudely.
Never be nice.

Eat with your fingers,
not with a fork.
Don’t use a napkin.
Why be a dork?

Don’t change your clothing.
Dress like a bum.
Don’t do your homework.
Try to act dumb.

Never say, “Thank you.”
Never say, “Please.”
Don’t say, “I’m sorry.”
It’s better to tease.

If you remember
to do what I say,
you’ll have no more friends
when you call them to play.

Text © Bruce Lansky, reprinted from My Dog Ate My Homework published by Meadowbrook Press. Illustration © Stephen Carpenter. Any copying or use of this poem or illustration without consent is unlawful.

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