The Battle Hymn of the Repulsive
 
 


by Michael Bowman
 
   
(sing to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”)

Mine eyes have seen the kitchen,
which is why I bring my lunch.
I have smelled the things they’re cooking,
and they’re toxic, I’ve a hunch.
And the salads are so soggy that
you’ll never hear a crunch.
I bring my lunch to school!

Chorus
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I bring my lunch to school!

They torture nose and taste buds
with both hamburger and spuds.
There are meatballs in a gravy that’s
like iridescent mud.
Mashed potatoes hit both tray and stomach
with a sick’ning thud.
I bring my lunch to school!

Chorus

It’s amazin’ when a raisin
starts to crawl across your cake;
that was when I first decided
the dessert was a mistake.
And I wouldn’t like to guess what’s
floating in that chocolate shake.
I bring my lunch to school!

Chorus




Text © Bruce Lansky reprinted from I’ve Been Burping in the Classroom, published by Meadowbrook Press. Illustration © Stephen Carpenter. Any copying or use of this poem or illustration without consent is unlawful.

 
 
 
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