by Linda Knaus
My New Year’s resolutions are
to lounge upon the couch.
To spit out things like okra and
permit myself to slouch.
To make the famous Guinness book
for days without a bath.
To get the A’s in recess that
I’ll never get in math.
To seldom raise my hand in class
and try my very best
to fake convincing illnesses
the night before a test.

To trade my lunch away when
I have liverwurst on rye.
To clean my bedroom thoroughly
on days that start with Y.
To gather fuzzy lint between
my toes for several weeks.
To run from Aunt Petunia when
she tries to pinch my cheeks.
To stay in my pajamas for
as long as I can stand.
To learn to burp the alphabet
the way I’ve always planned.
Experience has taught me well
that I will have success
with all my resolutions
if I simply strive for less.

Text © Linda Knaus, reprinted from Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney, published by Meadowbrook Press. Illustration © Mike and Carl Gordon. Any copying or use of this poem or illustration without consent is unlawful.

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